All Scottish Teachers

Primary Humour

** During an Easter story lesson, one wee girl (P5) was absolutely desperate to share her knowledge of the sequence of events. Other children were barely getting a chance to answer, such was her eagerness.
When asked about the meal that Jesus and his disciples shared, the class
seemed to have forgotten that this was referred to as the Last Supper.

Eventually the teacher gave in and asked the girl what the answer was.

"Sunday lunch!" she replied in a show-off manner.

Needless to say, the teacher could barely control her giggles.




** One morning, during a religious education lesson, the teacher asked the question:
"where do you think God lives?"

One lad's hand shot right up.

"He lives near me Miss"
"Really?" says the teacher, "and what makes you say that?"

"Because miss, when I was goin past this hoose this morning, I heard
someone shouting: CHRIST, ARE YOU NAE UP YET?"




* Whilst working in a nursery class a teacher was sitting playing with a little girl who was really interested in a male baby doll which had all the
correct genitals.
The girl looked up at the teacher and asked:

" what is that finger for?"



* P1 pupils:

"A graveyard is where dead people live!

My Grandpa has bald hair."


* A P3 child has just been to a French lesson:

"My mum wears a arm on her boobies!"

("Bras" being the French word for arm)


* Early in a teacher's career, she was attempting to tell a Bible story and asked the class who could tell her anything about the Hebrews.

Up shot a hand at the nearby table:

"They're the islands near the west of Scotland", beamed a happy wee boy!


* A young teacher in the 1990's had a delightful Primary One class.As you do,she gathered the children around, and on this particular day,they were doing an RE lesson about Jesus getting lost at the temple.
Therefore a discussion started about which of the children had lost their parents when out and about.
One of the wee girls was keen to share her experience and told the class that she had been out shopping with her mum in Littlewoods but her mum had vanished,as she did not see her mum go up the "alligator"!

Perhaps she meant escalator!!!


* Colin( age 5) was in trouble for clouting other kids round the lugs in
the playground. When asked why he had done it, he replied that it was
because his cousin John (age 6) had told him to. When I asked him if
he would jump in front of a bus if John told him to, he replied "No".

"Why not?" I asked.

"I cannae jump" said Colin!


* On discussing the difference between evergreen and deciduous trees, a
Primary 1 pupil enlightened the teacher with the following:

"Hey Miss, I ken the difference between Christmas trees and ordinary
trees."

"Do you - what is it?"

"Christmas trees dinna lose their leaves 'cos dem's plastic!"

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