All Scottish Teachers

Pupil funnies/howlers

**In the days when teachers made up the Higher Prelim Close Reading Paper (then known as Interpretation) instead of buying it in, a young member of staff made up Passage 1 using a newspaper article about "The Privatisation of Prisons".

Final question (of many) asked:
"Having looked at the whole passage,explain clearly, in your own words, what you think the term "privatisation of prisons" means.
Answer from pupil (who later passed!):

It means that prisoners will have the chance to buy their own cells...



** A new girl had started and teacher wanted to speak to her mother, so instead of looking up the name the teacher asked:

"What is your mummy's name?"

"Mummy"

"Ok, what does daddy call her?"

"a Bitch"

The teacher then remembered Mummy had a boyfriend so asked:
"what does Joe call her?"

"Darling"

one last try..

"What does Grandma call her?"

"Grandma, she's been dead for years!"

So, off to delete her name from the records!



** A class of well-to-do pupils were sitting quietly getting on with their Maths.
One of the girls said:
"Mr Smith, who put all those bits of paper on
the ceiling?"
to which Mr Smith replies:
"why is it always the girls who notice things on the ceiling?"
Cue laughter, giggles all round.



** A teacher in an S2 English class was asked:
"what is a spire?"

The teacher replied: "a spire is an erection on top of a church."

The pupil replied:

"what's an erection called anywhere else likes?"






*A head of dept was dealing with a colleague's pupils who had been 'put out' of the classroom and had been wandering around looking for an empty classroom to work in with this group.
He referred to them as "refugees".

The next day one of them came back to speak to him and very forcibly
stated:
"And Ah'm no a refugee - we've got a brand new Ford Focus!"

A chip on the shoulder or what!!!


* There was the a question in General Computing exam some years back
asking about consequences of the increase in electronic mail.

One kid answered "Postman Pat would have to come off the TV!"

and in the Credit that year:

"Explain ASCII"

response:

"American Standard Code for information Intercourse!"

I laughed so much he got the mark!

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