All Scottish Teachers

Heidie's Tannoy Howlers/Bloomers

* One day, a Head Teacher decided to speak to the school about vandalism in the boys' toilets. Some damage had been done to wash basins & the resulting flooding had caused great hilarity.
He stood on the stage at an assembly & ranted and raved about these misdemeanours - and in the midst of this lecture, he actually mimed (knee up against an imaginary wall, grasp imaginary basin with both hands & pull!) what had happened!

Result? Well, what do you think?

* The same HT complained at another assembly about the black scuff marks which pupils had been leaving on the nice new shiny corridor lino. He then proceeded to demonstrate on stage how this was being done!

Result? Yes, you're right again!

* One day, a member of staff walked into the school dark room & discovered two members of the Senior Management Team in a compromising position. He was later heard to mutter that he thought they were developing a double exposure!


* During renovation work in the school, the heidie came on the tannoy and
made an announcement telling all pupils that the lids from the tubs of
filler which the workmen were using were not to be used as frisbees.

This had the expected results at the next interval!


* Head master of a Glasgow school comes over the tannoy one morning:

" would the 4th year boys please refrain from playing with their big balls in the patio.
If this continues they will be confiscated and not returned until 3.30pm!"


* A Heidy made the following announcement:

"Would John Smith, Joe Bloggs etc. etc. all report to the school hall right away - but only if they are present!"

* From the 1970s: Amid the chaos of repair work being carried out, came this gem - "would the girls please stop playing with the workmen's erections outside!"

* All Please-takes for Mr C. have been cancelled. He'll be in today as his funeral has been cancelled!

* Would Mrs X please come to my office as quickly as she can whilst I've still got this in my hand!

* Would all pupils stop aimlessly throwing snowballs in the playground?!


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