All Scottish Teachers

Pupil funnies

* A PE teacher was presented with an authentic-looking, handwritten note which read:

"Please excuse John from PE today as he forgot to bring his trainers to school."

The pupil was bewildered when he was asked:

"'OK, who did you get to write the note?"

and couldn't work out why his teacher knew the note was a fake immediately!

* A young girl approached her teacher during registration:

"Miss, my rabbit died at the weekend".
"Oh dear," the teacher said, "that's very sad - how did it happen?"

"My mum had to take it to the vet and it never came back - he said it
died of a tuber!"

* During a Y3 lesson on the Skeleton, a supply teacher was going through
the correct names of the various bones of the body.
When he got to the feet, he explained that the correct name for the
bones in the feet was 'metatarsals'.

Andrew, aged 8, turned to the TA sitting with him, and said:

"Miss, did he say metal a**eholes? That can't be right!"

Result - TA almost in a state of collapse with laughter, and a good giggle in the staffroom later!

* Whilst on teaching practice in a primary school, a young teacher decided to incorporate into one of his R.E lessons a little about the Islam festival
of Ede.
At that time a young Muslim boy was off school for a little
while and the kids in the class kept on asking where he was and the teacher replied that he would tell us all about it when he came back - this
pacified them until such time.
When the boy returned, the teacher explained all about Ede and told them that Mohammed was at Mecca, to which a young boy pipped up at the top of his voice:
"BINGO" "why was Mohammed allowed time off to spend his holidays at bingo" to which the teacher replied:
"No, Mecca is a place", "I know it is sir" he said "its just down the road"

The teacher then said "no, it's a sacred place!"

"that's what my nan said to my grandad so he is not allowed to go on saturdays" came the reply.

"how much did you win Mohammed?"

In the midst of all this, Mohammed sat looking very bemused, so the teacher eventually said:

"everyone get an atlas, let's find out any other places called Mecca that aren't down the road".

* A nursery school teacher says to her class, " Who can use the word
'definitely' in a sentence?"

First a little girl says: "The sky is definitely blue." the teacher
says, "Sorry Amy, the sky can sometimes be grey or orange- - - ."

Second a little boy says, " Trees are definitely green." Sorry but in
Autumn," the teacher explains, " the trees are brown or green"

Liittle Jimmy from the back stands up and asks,

"Does fart have lumps?"

The teacher looks horrified and says, "Jimmy, of course not!!"

"OK- - - then I DEFINITELY sh*t my pants."

* Teacher: Where's the Dead Sea?
Child: I didn't even know it was sick.

*Teacher: What is a hieroglyphic?
Child: A bit taller than a lower glyphic!

*Paul: I think my teacher loves me!
Tim: Why?
Paul: Because she put kisses all over my home work!

* 4th year social education....
name a socially transmittable disease.... gentle herrpiece

what effect did his shouting have?... his granny would have heard him.

* On a first year outdoor ed trip the first year class was split into four group, protons, photons, neutrons and electrons. The physics teacher then explained the functions of all of these during the week away. Two years later, when taking the same group of (now) third years away, a pupil approached the teacher and asked, "Please Miss, Can I be a crouton again?"

* On a similar trip, on being told that there were salmon in the river where they were about to canoe, a pupil asked if they were "attackative salmon".

* Whilst teaching measures to a year 9 class, i asked one
group to estimate the weight of one of our text books.One girl asked
"miss which page is it on?"



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