* Glasgow Secondary during an inspection:
PE classes in a huge barn of a games hall with terrible acoustics - 2 teachers are having to shout instructions to classes as an HMI watches closely.
Pupils are being divided into 2 teams for a game, one teacher finally saying to a pupil:
"You're the referee and remember that the ref is impartial!"
Consternation amongst one group who thought that the teacher had said that the ref is an "ar**hole!"
"No", says the other teacher, "the word is impartial - do you know what that means?"
"Nuh" came the reply.
At the end of the class, the HMI commented that the acoustics were so bad that she hadn't been able to make out a word anyone was saying!
* Back in the 1970s the HMI contacted a Glasgow Secondary to warn of an impending inspection.
"Oh, don't bother coming", said the Heidie, "we're winding down for the summer!"
This was in February!!
* Pupils were overheard discussing the inspectors that had descended on a
"You seen these inspectors yet?"
"Whit dae they look like"
"F***in ugly. Aw a them!"
* About 20 years ago, the HMI descended upon a Glasgow secondary for one of their little visits. The HT spoke to them on the first day about his school and emphasised how caring the school was.
The HMI were given a room overlooking the playground and started to go about their business.
One day at lunchtime the HT and his trusty depute were alarmed to see a group of kids gathered round something just under the HMI's window.
Fearing a fight, they rushed over, burst through the crowd and discovered the kids were all staring at a seagull flapping around on the ground, obviously on its last legs. The HT spied a pupil who was a well-known bird fancier (pigeons!), asked him to pick the bird up and carry it over to the Jannies who were fast approaching with a shoebox.
Later that day, the chief HMI told the HT that he had witnessed the above and how he thought that it really showed what a caring school he indeed had.
The HT didn't dare tell him that the seagull had in fact been shot down by a pupil with a catapult!
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