All Scottish Teachers

Mad school trip stories

* School trip to Switzerland in the 70s & a female pupil goes to teachers' room to check if she's allowed to take home some ciggies for her family. She chaps the room door and hears somebody shout "OK". She chaps again & once more hears "OK".

She then opens the door to find her Art teacher standing washing his feet in a basin, with not a stitch on!

She's still in therapy 33 years later but happily married!



* In the early 1960s a trip was organised to Brussels. Whilst there a
French speaking Belgian Policeman stops some of them for jaywalking, so
one pupil started to give the copper a hard time in broad Glaswegian
using the usual invective, much to the hilarity of the other pupils.

The hilarity was brought abruptly to an end when the copper takes the
lad by the scruff of the neck and growls back:

"Yer in luck sonny, A'hm the only Glaswegian copper in Belgium. How'd ye like a trip tae the jile?"



* Parental/Guardian Consent form for a recent European trip:

Q. Any Special Dietary Requirements?

A. Spicey Chicken Pizza!


* School trip to Blair Drummond Safari Park:

The school minibus was greeted by the Park Ranger who gave the kids the usual safety talk about what & what not to do, with particular advice on how to behave in the Lion Enclosure:

- No hands/legs/heads out of the windows!

The group then set off on their tour & all was going well until they got into the Lion Enclosure.

Immediately the back doors of the minibus were flung open & all the kids proceeded to hang out of their vehicle waving & shouting at the lions!

A Ranger vehicle quickly appeared & their bus was escorted out through an emergency exit. The Ranger got out to have a word, only to be greeted with:

"Sake man, we wirrnay gonny touch yer f'in tigers!"



* During a trip to the Rhineland, a school coach was travelling on a narrow
mountainous road with regular "passing places".
While driving past one of said "passing places" where two drivers had kindly pulled in to leave room for our coach, a pupil was heard to exclaim loudly:

"Goad, whit a stupit place tae park a motor!"!!!

He was duly presented with the "Car Park Attendant" award at the disco that evening.


* A teacher on the annual school trip to Belgium was called by a pupil
into a shop where another pupil was having difficulty explaining to
the shop assistant what it was he was wanting.
As the teacher entered the shop she was confronted with the pupil, arms spread, saying very slowly in a loud voice to the shopkeeper:

" Gonnae gie's a boatle o' ginger!"

* The same teacher was also called to assist the pupil who had gone into
a shop and asked for a "piece" and was handed a slice of pizza!

* On the return journey from a trip abroad, one pupil had bought a toy
duck with a very annoying sound effect.

Eventually, a teacher at the front of the bus, having listened long enough, turned and requested loudly:

"Paul, will you shut the duck up!"

* The following clangers both came from the same female teacher on a recent European jaunt:

A group of girl pupils were returning from the supermarket in Austria
carrying large water melons.

Teacher shouts across car park " Girls, where did you get these big melons from ?"

Same teacher in Italian Resort:

A pedal in 4 person pedalo bike was coming off.Teacher shouts to shop
manager from bike " My pedal's coming off - can someone please give me a
screw ! "

Sometimes things don't come across the way you meant them to !


* A group of girls on a school trip were having a 'bitching' session. One was heard to say:

"Well I know something you don't know and I'm no' gonna to tell you!

Her pal replied: " Wanna bet?"


* A school party stopped off in a French amusement park on their way back to Calais.
One boy, Jimmy, had earlier tried to bring a large bottle of juice & an equally large packet of biscuits onto the bus - he was told that he couldn't & should dispose of them. He refused to do so & drank/ate the whole lot!

The kids spread out in the park to have fun on all the rides & all was peaceful until the leader was told that Jimmy had been sick.

"Serves him right" said the leader. "Where is he?"

"Right at the top of the big wheel - he spewed over a French family doon below!"

* If you're thinking about a school trip, READ THIS!!

A school trip to Belgium in the 70s left on 2 coaches, one immaculate & one old banger which ground to a halt on the Shap with thick smoke coming from the dash. Everyone assumed the replacement coach would be immaculate, however another banger arrived to take the group off to sunnier places.
A P&O ferry strike had just finished, leaving a backlog of vehicles going to France. This caused a 12 hour wait in Dover on a Bank holiday Monday with everything shut!
On the return journey, one of the drivers put petrol in the diesel tank & the coach kangarooed its way north, until they had to pull into a service station north of London. The place was packed with rowdy football fans.

The driver decided to dump the petrol down a drain beside the police station. He then reversed the coach into a petrol pump & knocked it over!

A shiny black coach arrived 2 hours later as a replacement.

Waiting parents were regaled with stories of "great holiday, bus caught fire, missed ferry, petrol in diesel tank, rioting football fans, knocked over petrol pumps!!"

There was a rush to sign up for the next year's trip - fortunately for the staff, it was not as exciting.

*Pupils at Disneyland Paris who had great fun in the Village one night going on the “stimulators” in the amusement area.

*pupils who bought a “kerry oot” for a last night party in a French seaside town – buried it in the sand dunes, went back in the dark & never found it. Confessed to a teacher later on.

*A pupil on a foreign ski trip brought his dad back an unusual gift from the Alps - a garden hose.

*A school outing to the East coast was the first time for many out of Glasgow. "What's that big puddle over there sur?"
"The North Sea, Jeannie"

*A party of pupils were visiting Antwerp. In order to give them the opportunity to get an independent feel for its life and culture, the leader told them to wander round the main square and get something to eat from one of the cafes – he mentioned frites, waffles, a croque monsieur, perhaps. Ten minutes later he was approached by a boy asking, “Whit’s the Belgian fir bridie?”

ALL NAMES AND ADDRESSES USED ON THE SITE HAVE BEEN CHANGED TO PROTECT THE INDIVIDUALS AND NO RESPONSIBILITY IS TAKEN FOR ANY COINCIDENTAL SIMILARITIES WHICH MAY OCCUR.




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