All Scottish Teachers

Pupils' howlers

* The headmaster in the school was a nice guy, but wasn't too keen on
dealing with the 3-5 year olds. So usually he left the telling off to the
nursery staff.
However this time he had no choice, and off he marched to the nursery
ready to give 40 3-5 year olds a telling off.
They all stood in front of him listening eagerly. It was not often they
saw the headmaster.
He was coming to the end of the telling off :

"Now I don't want this happening again. If I see or hear this happening again I shall be Very Very Cross!

Now I want you all to pull your socks up."

At which point 40 3-5 year olds bent down and pulled their socks up.

The teachers and TA's just fell about laughing.

* One year 4 boy was attempting to tell his class teacher what book he
was doing in English. As they moved around the groups. he said:
" It's dick something sir"

teacher : " Do you mean Charles Dickens?"

pupil: "I don't know sir. yes."

Teacher : "what's the name of the book"

pupil : " the sheep pig"

Teacher:" You mean Dick King Smith"

Pupil : " yes that's the one. I was close sir, they both have Dicks."

At which point both the teacher and the care assistant with dirty minds
fell about laughing.

* A student had a fantastic placement for her first teaching Practice. It was a small village school in rural Wales, middle of nowhere. Only 29 children in the school. All little angels. How lucky was she?

In the juniors she had 15 in the class from year 3 to year 6. The lesson
was all about adjectives. It was a Welsh category A school, so English
was a second language for 75% of the school.

They had to describe an animal of their choice ( out of her carefully
thought out list) to the class who had to guess.

In the begining they all had a go. One year 5 boy, well there was only 1.
had given a very good clue about a Zebra saying "Its a version of a
Horse." So she quickly replied " well done that's very good. I like that

This girl in the class who had a painful first crush on the boy
decided to use it in her clue. However the teacher hadn't checked her work. Just remember that in welsh they spell how they say it.

So this is her description of a Zebra

"It's black and white.
It has four legs, a pair of eyes and two ears.
It has a tail.
It can run fast.
It is a virgin Horse."

Both student and the teacher fell about with tears rolling out of their eyes.

It just asks the question how Zebras aren't extinct.

Luckily the children who honestly were country kids, all innocent and
good, didn't get what was so funny, and looked in wonder at their two silly
teachers crying with laughter.

* A student was due for an assessment with a substitute tutor after problems with the original tutor being sick. This tutor wasn't the warmest of people, a bit old school, and you know when you get the feeling that
they don't like you ...

Anyway there he was giving a geography lesson to year 1 and 2, very
nervous, praying that these children would behave long enough for the tutor to be satisfied. He gave out the work sheets.

To which the tutor asked " what's behind these worksheets?" (meaning
what's the idea...)

The trickiest 5 year old boy in the class looked up, turned the sheet around and said: "nothing sir, it's empty."

The student fought hard to keep a straight face. The tutor had no problem keeping a straight face as he didn't find it funny.

Student had a softspot for that little boy ever since.



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