All Scottish Teachers

Pupil howlers

* With a 1st and 2nd class you do get quite a few gems! the latest one was to do with the dreaded topic of nits!
- one little girl was at the bin paring her pencil, next thing she's scratching her head furiously. The SNA called her over suspecting a case of the dreaded nits. The teacher then asked her to come up til he checked if she had any unwanted visitors, to which she replied, "well if I do, they didn't ring the doorbell!!!!"

* A teacher was telling the children in her class the story of "The Three Little Pigs".
She had just come to the part where the wolf had blown down the pig's house that was made of straw.She then stopped to ask the children what might happen next.
One child suggested that the pig's older brother called the guards to arrest the wolf.

"Very good, what did the guards say?" said the teacher.

"Holy Sh*!, it's a talking pig!" said the child.


* A group of Junior infants were asked to draw a picture of the Nativity. One little lad had a big fat figure in the middle of it all.
The teacher asked diplomatically: “and tell me please who everyone is”
The child replied: “There’s Mary & Joseph and Round John”
“Who’s Round John?”
“You know Miss – Round John, Virgin, Mother and Child!”
(Silent Night – round yon virgin….)


* The teacher asked the kids..."And what did you all get up to at the
weekend?"
Mary started to tell, "On Saturday, we went.............,
then when I got home I got into the bath. Then Mammy got in, then
Daddy got in..."


* A primary school child was making a mother's day card.Luckily the teacher collected the cards before giving then out for the children to take
home.
One boy had written the following verse for his mother!
> Roses are red
> violets are blue
> lift up your skirt
> and i'll give you a screw!!


* It was the week of St Patrick's day and naturally a student teacher was doing St Patrick with the kids. She had found a lovely children's story about St Patrick and was reading it to the class, it was like they were in a trance, they just loved it.
Anyway it got to the part where he died when one of the kids jerked up with a stunned look on his face and called out:

"He died! When did this happen!!!!"


* In a school last year, a student was suspended cos she called the deputy principal a whore!
The class teacher went into the class the next day, and all the kids were talking about the suspension.
They asked miss :
"Was she suspended cos she called Ms X the 'H' word?"
Miss corrected their english by saying: "you mean the 'W' word?"

The students responded: "No, miss, she called her a hoor, not a witch!"



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